We just published our book "Consent to Kiss"!

50 Ways to Ask for a Kiss

So flat out... this section is an excerpt from The Book with at least 50 fun ways to ask for a kiss - ways to ask and sentences to use... plus some extra ones that didn't make it into the book. Enjoy!

Heartfelt Examples

Leading with vulnerability, here’s a few lines that might work.

“Is it okay if I kiss you now?”
"I'm really enjoying your amazing company.... can I please kiss you on the lips or cheek?"
“Just so you know, I am crazy attracted to your energy, charm and intelligence, and with your permission I feel like it would be amazing to kiss your lips.”
“I can’t stop looking at your incredible eyes as you talk, and wondering if you might want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you.”
"I know in all the movies the hero grabs the girl for a kiss, but I'm more respectful than that, so I'm asking you right now, can I kiss you?"
“I’m just so attracted to you right now, I feel like I want to ask you for a kiss.”
“I’m drawn to you. Can I have a taste of your lips?”
“I've been wanting to kiss you for a while now. May I have the honor?"
“How might you feel about me being brave and asking to kiss you at the end of this date?”
"This was so fun! I would love to walk you to your car, and when we get that I would love to give you a little kiss if that sounds nice, and if you would rather not kiss I'm still really happy to walk you to your car."

With practice, you will probably learn to ask your question with more confidence... but for some women, genuine nerdy awkwardness and vulnerability is a much bigger turn on than someone who delivers their line perfectly smooth. We know this, because we’ve both known such women! We don’t care what those crappy self-proclaimed dating experts say when they generalize and say what all women and what all men like. People can be vastly different in what they do and do not find attractive and many of my closest female friends are massively turned off by over the top alpha males.

Statement of Intent Examples

If outright asking someone to kiss you seems too intense for your first time, a “statement of intent” is one small step below where you are not asking for a yes or no answer, but letting them know you hope to kiss them at one point.

"I’m having a great time and I want to kiss you so badly right now, but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea just yet."
"I'm trying very hard not to want to kiss you.”
“Just to let you know, I love your hair and I also really like the idea of kissing you, but continue your story”.
"I can't stop imagining what it would feel like to kiss your cheek or lips, and I just wanted you to know that."
“If I kiss you tonight, will you wake up tomorrow with a big smile, or regret that we didn’t wait?”

A statement of intent is not technically a question, but still seeks permission in a flirty way, best done at a high point of your date. You might even change the subject afterwards. At very least I’m sure your date finds it a nice compliment.

Fishing for Interest

As you get more experienced in dating, you might eventually realize that there is an art in escalating conversation away from topics that might seem boring, into topics that you are passionate about, and, if it feels right, the topic of dating and passion itself. It really helps if you change the topic to dating (since you are possibly on a date) first, so it doesn’t come totally out of the blue. You can ask them about bad dates and good dates.

"I have a question. Tell me about your first ever kiss."
"You are really fun! If you don’t mind, I’m curious to hear about the last time you had a really good first kiss, because I’m really jealous of that guy or girl and maybe I can get some pointers?”
“Hey, crazy question, what are your thoughts on how soon into dating two people should kiss?”.
“So a friend of mine was telling me about the consent to kiss, have you heard about it? What are your views on people asking consent for a first kiss”.
“When I first met you, I thought you looked like you were one of the most stunning and kissable people I’ve ever seen, and I still feel that way.”
"I’m sorry, I can't stop looking at your lips. They're just begging to be kissed."
“Am I allowed to give you a kiss on the cheek, and if that feels good, you can tell me afterwards if you might like a kiss on the lips.”
“Hey, if you and I kissed, do you think it would be a good kiss?”
There are many ways to fish for their interest in a kiss on the lips, and it can look very, very flirty, but you can easily backtrack or back pedal afterwards if they blush too hard or seem like they are not interested. Now we have two more lines that we believe deserves special consideration.
"Can I please kiss you on the cheek”.
That’s right, if you’re unsure or not confident to ask for a kiss on the lips, asking for a kiss on the cheek is a far more playful stepping stone and gives the woman more time to consider how she might feel about the lips. Finally there is this line:
I think you really want to kiss me right now”.
This line is interesting because it is something recommended and used often in the infamous pickup artist community, as a sneaky way to ask a girl to kiss because you can easily back out and say “well I just thought you did”. Honestly, it is not our favorite, because it lacks the courage and vulnerability of you admitting that you are interested in the kiss and instead tries to get your date to express interest in you.

The fact that this “line” is associated with the pickup community is definitely negative, as the focus in that community is about men sleeping with women, with almost no consideration for honesty or integrity or the damage that is caused when you manipulate someone into attraction. Said in the right way it might be cute, maybe you can ask in a cute way, but we hope you don’t use any of these lines to in any way manipulate a person into kissing you if they are not a “hell yes”. A “maybe” is not a yes. One of the sexiest things you can do if a girl says maybe, is not to reply with “let’s find out”, but to ask her to investigate her feelings. Ask her if she’s being coy and is excited to kiss you, because you believe in a hell yes, and say it with confidence because we would like the topic of mandatory consent to resonate with your being. That to us, sounds like true masculine power.

Flirty Examples

Not everyone is versed with being flirty, but if your date and you are already flirting and you’re feeling positive vibes, then you might do well to remember that there are many, many ways you might seed the idea of a kiss well before you kiss.

"I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I feel like I'm really acing this date, so I might have a slightly higher than average chance of getting a kiss at the end. What do you think?"
"True or false: You've imagined kissing me already at some point during our date."
"Hypothetically, men who ask women for a kiss on a first date... sexy or too soon?"
“Try to guess how many times on this date I’ve thought about kissing you?”
“When was the last time you had a first kiss, and were they as charming as me?”
“Do you think now is a fun time to hold hands and talk about fun things like the best kiss you've ever had in your life?”
“Do you think I’m good looking” … “To follow up on that, I bet you would like to kiss me right?”
“If I’m ever lucky enough to kiss you. What type of kisses do you like?”
“What do you think are my chances of kissing you at the end of the date so far… at least 80% right?”
“Have you ever played spin the bottle with just two players?”
“I can't stop thinking about what it would feel like to kiss you. Want to find out together?"
“Your lips are so soft and inviting. May I give them a little kiss?”
"I can't stop thinking about kissing you. Would you mind if I took the opportunity?"
“I've been wanting to do this all night. May I?"
“Would you like to play a game where we make out for five minutes?”
"Your lips are so irresistible, I can't help but want to kiss them."
“I know this is early days yet, but just in case it ever becomes relevant, what kind of kisses do you most like from lovers?”
"I've been wanting to kiss you for a while now. Can I have the honor?"
"I've been thinking about kissing you since I first saw you. Do you want to make it a reality?"
“I want to explore your lips with mine. Is that okay?"
"I'm curious what your lip gloss tastes like."
"Is it okay if I stare at your lips for a while and think about kissing you?"
"I've been looking at your lips all night, and do you know what I'm thinking about?"
“On a scale of 0 to 10, where 9 is you wanting to kiss me, how well is this date going right now?”
“You are very cuddly. I think you already know that I want to kiss you, but how about we flip the script and put you in control. You can ask me for a kiss whenever you are ready, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to say yes.”

Some of these examples are far more flirty than others, but the possibilities are limitless on how you can bring up the topic of kissing and then migrate towards asking. Early in this book we promised there are thousands of amazing ways you can ask for a kiss. We’re not about to write a thousand lines here, but hopefully you've already seen enough to realize that we are right. Sometimes flirty ways to kiss are not that obvious, so if your date says “are you asking to kiss me”, we hope you say vulnerability and say “yes, I am being brave asking to kiss you”.

Creative Examples

There are probably also a thousand creative ways to ask for a first kiss, and here we are going to focus on ways to ask for consent without using your voice.

Write it on paper and slide it over. Try writing “Can I please kiss you” on a piece of paper and then slide it over to them. You have to be pretty confident for this one!
Send in a text message. Try “So this is flirty, but where is your interest in kissing me between 0 and 10 right now, and how can I get it to a 10?”. You can send this before, during or after a date.
Type and show it on your phone. If you’re in a noisy place or you don’t have paper, type it on your phone. We feel like paper would be better, but you just might not have a pen. “It’s so noisy in here, would it be fun for me to take you to somewhere quieter and where we can make out like teenagers?”. Then let her type back.
Write a poem about kissing. At the most basic and cheesy level you could write “roses are red, violets are blue... would it be okay for me to kiss you”, but we hope you aspire for something slightly less cheesy.
Put the letters onto a cake or flowers. So not everyone bakes, it’s probably rare, but wouldn’t it be fun to see “can I give you a small kiss” on a cupcake. Maybe you write it on the wrapping around a bunch of flowers on your second date, which seems extra sweet because who even does flowers these days outside of romantic European countries.
Suggest a flirty game. There are decks of cards, there is truth or dare, or you could try to spin the bottle.
Sing it out. Sing something cheesy to ask them for a kiss, bonus points if you play guitar.
Squeeze my hand. Tell them to squeeze your hand twice for a kiss on the lips, or once for the cheek.
Make a kissing bet. There’s a scene in Happy Gilmore where he suggests a wager: “If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss”. In the context of a movie it’s easy to predict a kiss was coming, but in real life it’s a ballsy move. A kissing bet can be applied to almost any situation, even a thumb war, and if you’re feeling less bold the bet could just be a kiss on the hand.
Ask for an “Almost-Kiss”. Here you are asking to build sexual tension by putting your lips close, but with a rule that they cannot touch.

These are just a few creative examples to get your creative juices flowing. Often for a first kiss you won’t feel bold enough to get creative, but if you do get creative, you might create one of the most memorable first kisses of your life and their life.

The Direct Ask

Asking can be vulnerable and heartfelt or sexy and flirty – it's up to you. The important part is that you do ask whenever you are in doubt. The more questions you ask about dating and kissing, the more confident you’ll be able to ask the most direct question of all:

“Can I kiss you?”

It’s not rocket science. You ask for what you want, and you can say it in a confident playful voice, whisper it into their ear, or add the word “please” in there.
There are always going to be a few men and women who believe it's sexy to take without asking... but these people who believe in "power moves" are either a little rapey, or have bought into this idea without ever thinking of the wider implications for society. Maybe your second kiss you can safely read the signals and steal without asking... but a first kiss is a critical bond in your relationship which can lay out the level of respect you expect to uphold. If you are willing to ask for verbal consent to kiss, then you set yourself up well for a conversation about safe sex, if your dates progress further.
Also remember that even sexier than the vulnerability that goes into asking... is knowing that you can handle a no. If you hear a no, that's much, much better than going for a kiss and watching your date turn pale because she really isn't ready to kiss you. You messed up, and you can't really recover easily from that without feeling like an idiot.
Typically, the answer “yes”, “no” or “I need more time to decide on a kiss” is already in the person’s head before you ask, so don’t be too afraid that the process of asking makes or breaks the outcome. You asked because you wanted to gain access to the answer. It would be like asking “so do you honestly think I’ll get this job” at the end of a job interview. If they say no, you just saved yourself the uncertainty of waiting by the phone for weeks hoping they would call.

Encouraging Someone to Ask

In the heteronormative case of a male and female date, a woman might often find herself wanting to be kissed, but be on a date with a man who isn’t acting on or picking up on your cues. Maybe your cues are just way more subtle than you think. What you might think is obvious, might just look like another person’s interpretation of friendly or flirty. Or maybe he is just shy, conflicted or terrified.

If a man really wants to kiss you he may be looking for a signal that you are truly interested in him and you might have to do it verbally. An interesting insight we have is that often (not always), women appreciate compliments about their character instead of the physical, since they are used to men being so physically focussed and not seeing their inner beauty. Men are often the opposite. For a man to hear that he has a beautiful soul or is a terrific guy sounds like friend zone material. Try telling the guy he is cute. Tell him you love his shoulders, his hair, his lips, his neck or even his t-shirt. Become flirty with physical touch, and he might soon get the hint that he can move closer, and closer, and eventually might kiss you. Some men are just shy though so once again, we challenge you to try to flip the script.

If it has been a few dates and you still haven’t got the first kiss you want, then you can ask him “why haven’t you kissed me yet”. There’s a small chance he doesn’t want to kiss you, which is the same reason men are often afraid to ask, they are afraid the answer is no. Isn’t it better to find out sooner rather than later if someone isn’t just that into you in that way though?

For many men, they also might be conflicted about what a kiss might mean. Maybe they fear there is a conflict of interest, or be concerned about religious differences, age difference, or any number of things you haven’t considered. A kiss can have hugely different meanings to different people, and maybe a mature conversation will reveal that he physically would love to kiss you, but feels that the situation or timing is not right.

When you want a man to kiss you, but he isn’t asking, don’t just sit around doing the same thing and expecting a different result. Try something new to let him know that you’re totally into him.

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